Learning to respond rather than react – how do you do that, you might ask? It’s all about managing our emotions, then taking responsiblity and focusing on how we want to be.
Unless we had an extraordinary parent or teacher, most of us don’t learn to manage and process our feelings. It’s normal to be frightened of feeling vulnerable. So, our personality creates a pattern to help us feel safe and avoid certain feelings. The only thing is… that pattern which comes from fear can impact or even harm others.
If we want to change it, it’s a good idea to learn to pause, let the reaction go, then open our heart and ask what matters, how can we respond in a wise and compassionate way according to our commitments. Only through accessing our Essential Nature can we be authentic.
The first thing is to be aware when we feel upset and acknowledge our feelings. Here’s a little formula from Fearless Living that you can use, it’s called the 4 A’s:
Acknowledge your feelings – identify them – no judgement
Allow yourself time to process (observe what you’re thinking)
Ask your intuition what you’re committed to
Act – based on your intent
When doing this work, it does help to understand what tweaks your buttons, what upsets you. What do you complain about most? D’you find yourself irritated by people who are selfish, weak, lazy, arrogant, mean controlling….something else?
Is there any possibility that this could be within you and that you soul is asking you to see this, resolve it and to move on? Could this be an opportunity to grow? If, for example you discover that there is anger within you, something you often mask, what if… you could address it by accepting that it’s there, it’s something you’ve acquired as a consequence of experiences, however you want to feel joyful and light-hearted so this is how you’re going to be instead? Once we accept denied aspects within ourself, it’s easy to accept and feel compassion for others.