Blog 19 Dec

First Christmas apart.

Just separated or divorced? It’s not easy.

The first thing I learned… the hard way I have to say… is to accept that things are as they are. Some things you can’t change – so rather than focus on what’s missing, you can create something new. You can let go of traditions that no longer work for you, and ask yourself what do you want instead. What does Christmas mean to you?

If you have children, you’ll want to think about to how they can have time with both parents and grandparents…and if they’re old enough, they can be included in the conversation. The important thing is to be flexible and do what you can to make it magical for them.

Christmas will bring up many feelings  – perhaps pain, sadness, loneliness, anger, jealousy, the whole caboodle! You are going to feel what you feel. If you feel a need to put on a brave face, my experience is that just doesn’t work, the pothole of emotions will reappear at some stage. It’s good to be real, to allow time to feel how you really feel, maybe not spend the whole day in them! It’s not easy, it sucks.

And then you can then ask yourself how you would like to feel instead… perhaps simply to be at peace with how things are? With this intent, you can look for one step that you can take to be that. Focus on how you want to be, after all this is something you can control. Freedom is about who you are and how you feel…and you can choose how you feel.

Laughter is a great tonic, its infectious, so see if you can create some fun or do something silly.

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