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Not knowing where you’re going

Not knowing where you’re going can be the scariest, and, the most exciting thing in the world! When I came to Vanuatu in the middle of Covid, I had never set foot in the country. Was I scared? Yes, it was frightening…and once I got here, it was invigorating, a completely new experience, I didn’t get bored!

However, when your relationship has just ended or perhaps you’ve lost your job, not knowing where you’re going is not at all exciting – you can feel completely gutted. Even when it feels like there’s nowhere left to turn, there is always a solution. It’s okay to take your time working out what you want to do and where you want to go.

When my relationship ended, I was absolutely terrified. I felt lost and alone, so paralysed with fear to the point I couldn’t speak. Here are some of the steps that I took that fortunately worked for me, they may work for you:

  • Seek support. It helps enormously to talk to someone who can provide emotional support and offer a fresh perspective. I got the help of a counsellor immediately, and later I worked with a coach who provided encouragement as I slowly looked at choices, made a plan and took the first steps towards a new chapter in life.
  • Make self care a priority. When you’re in the thick of it, self care usually goes to pot. However, it’s absolutely essential in managing stress and building resilience. Focus on a healthy diet, exercise, sleep, take care of your emotional and mental health, time for you. You can choose how you feel and how you talk to yourself. Challenging any beliefs that limit you, positive self talk can give you some sense of power when everything seems chaotic.
  • Make a plan. Creating a plan with specific action steps to take care of your immediate needs helps you feel a little more secure. Whether it’s looking after the children, consulting a lawyer, managing your finances, finding a new new home, taking responsibility and being proactive helps you build your confidence.
  • Develop New Skills. I felt that I was nothing when I found myself on my own, I didn’t have what it takes. My identity, financial security, status, my home, everything had been tied up with my husband. I had thought I was ok, now I wasn’t. My work skills were ‘out-of-date’, so I asked myself what had I always wanted to do but never got round to …and took a counselling skills course.
  • Journal. This gives you an outlet to express how you feel, what you fear, how you are thinking, your meditation experiences if you meditate…and in time you will see progress. It’s the most wonderful tool to integrate your experience and understand who you are.

Not knowing where you are going can be terrifying, and, it can be the start of an incredible adventure -one where you thrive!

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